Limerick Mania! In which you are All Terribly Clever05/02/2011 at 8:02 pm | Posted in How to this-or-that, Just for Fun, News & Explanations | 8 Comments
I asked you all for limericks, and wow, was I inundated! About a third are featured here, though I read and loved every single one. Even the ones that weren’t quite limericks.
As I suspected, the topics divided themselves neatly into the same material that seems to fill my Twitter and Facebook feeds most of the time. Enjoy, these are fantastically fun:
on Sci-Fi and Space
When Marian one night dreamt/
of Han Solo, hair all unkempt/
of Wash crashing a Volvo/
and Starbuck singing a Solo/
she smiled and slept on quite content.
– Andreas Ista (Facebook submission)
Mmmmmm scruffy Han…I’ll be in my bunk.
The worlds of the Twelve Tribes of Man
Were nuked in the Cylon’s grand plan
So jump did the Fleet
Toward Earth in retreat
And all this will happen again
He walks with a strut in his stride
His chest will be puffed up with pride.
He sleeps with his gun
starts bar fights for fun
But it’s good to have Jayne on your side.
One last opportunity soon
Atlantis is flying in June
The astronaut’s choice
Is Marian’s voice
They ‘d rather hear “Good Morning, ____” [Moon!]
This poet pulls the neat trick of making the last three lines a haiku(ish). A limerick-haiku hybrid. Sounds dangerous:
There was a warlock, Zaboo,
Who wrote the following haiku:
“I really love Cyd
I’m kind of obsessed’d
What’s a gnome to do?”
And a show cancellation lament, which could be its own poetry genre among geeks:
SGU was sub-par, we all knew it.
/ Just at first; oh, my gosh, David Hewlett!
/ Season two’s gotten good /
…Wish I’d known that it would /
It’s too late; Syfy, why did you do it?
In Alaska, the largest of all
There are sounds guaranteed to enthrall –
If you listen at night
And you’re lucky, you might
Hear a loon or a Marian call!
We have a successful Alaska rhymer! Voilà:
There once was a girl from Alaska,
A musical multitasker.
She’d play melodies,
On typewriter keys,
And rainstick whenever you’d ask her.
A couple of Trusty Rainstick odes I loved:
A rainstick was fearful of flying
for TSA sure wasn’t buying
the whole instrument gig
and they don’t give a fig
that poor Marian would be left crying
There was a musician named Marian,
Whose rainstick was carried as carry on.
but she waved it and cracked it,
so she auctioned and packed it,
and now she can go get another one.
Since I was going on about Waffles all week…
My breakfast this morning is awful
So bland it should be unlawful
Give me some fruit
And sweet syrup to boot
My kingdom I’d give for a waffle!
And a bragging poem from my bestest girl in NYC and the author of @_CityStories and other fine blogs:
Are you waiting, dear Marian, on me?
I’m a talented poet, you see.
But I won’t win the contest,
for I’ve known you longest,
and I get your voicemails for free.
Self-Deprecating and Self-Referential Poetry on Poetry
Some of you were stuck for rhymes:
‘pon eating a huge Baked Alaska,
My girl said she’d dance if I asked her.
Her moves were so fine,
I said “Do be mine!”
What the frak rhymes: Madagascar.
Of redheads I have to opine,
A particular penchant of mine,
I love hair that’s ginger,
Especially when oranger,
Oh bugger, I’ve run out of rhymes.
There once was a hipster in Homer
Who turned out to be quite a world-roamer
She drove everywhere
And sang for her fare
And I can’t come up with another rhyme for Homer. But she could, she’s really clever at lyrics and stuff.
Flattery will get you everywhere, Ed.
A limerick for Marian Call?
But I’m no good with poems at all!
The words come out wrong,
they’re usually too long
and in the end they don’t even rhyme. Damn…
Every once upon a long time
I attempt to compose a nice rhyme.
But I’m rather afraid
That I’ll never be paid
And I’ll end up becoming a mime.
– Shoshana Bailar (e-mail submission)
Mimes aren’t paid so well either, Shoshana, you might want a Plan C…
A complaint I must bring to our host.
At another time, this I would toast!
For the hour is quite late,
to add this to my plate.
Bad timing, you have, for the east coast.
Thank you Yankee Yoda. And a complaint about the PG-13 restriction:
There once was a man from a land
Which sounds like a masculine gland
Sure you know what I mean
But to stay PG-13
Requires this punchline be bland
Finally, commentary on Twitter limitations, for those of you who didn’t know you could submit via Facebook or my blog:
A Limerick contest is fun,
but twitter’s a son of a gun.
I had an idea,
but it’s painfully clear,
I’m going to run out of charac
A Twitter limerick
Is quite a nifty trick
You have to cut
The lines all short
To get them all to fit
Limericks are fine
But Haiku is much better
To write on Twitter
A SPECIAL MENTION FOR BEST PRESENTATION: @ALASKAROBOTICS
and a terrific limerick too, on my very favorite topic:
A woman so eager and pure
I went like a fish at the lure
We shouldn’t have kissed
But I couldn’t resist
Special Hell awaits me for sure
(You MUST see the image at http://akrobotics.com/2011/04/27/saffron-limerick/. Also, all his other comics which I am now reading with gusto.)
AND THE WINNER IS!!!
For good scansion, rhymes, a clever line wrap, humor, and topical pertinence:
I thought Marian’s lovely young tone
Would sound perfect upon my cell phone.
My wife gave me a wallop
After hearing “some trollop”
Leave a message. Now I sleep alone.
– Jonathan Strickland (blog submission)
So sorry, Jonathan, but you will be sleeping alone. Although I can sing uglier if you like — the karaoke song, perhaps, wouldn’t put your wife off so much? E-mail me to claim your prize, mariancall*at*mac.com!
Thank you all SO MUCH for entering. You are fantastic and I want to give you guys every fun and good thing. Thank you for the community and the fun!